5 Tips to Master the Holiday Season with a Neurodiverse Child

Enjoy the holiday season with these 5 suggestions for a less stressful December.

The holiday season is filled with magical moments, from adorable matching sweaters, to decorating the Christmas tree, to spending time with those we hold dearest. But lets admit it, the holiday season is STRESSFUL! Whether its our own expectations or the perfect families on social media, there is so much pressure to create happy, picture-perfect holiday moments. No parent can stand up to these unrealistic expectations, but the season can be especially challenging for those with neurodiverse family members.

Why are the holidays so challenging?

For today's post, we're going to think of our emotional threshold as a gas tank. If we had a great night sleep, we hopefully wake up with a full tank of gas. Activities or events that cause big emotions like anxiety, stress, sadness, fear, excitement, irritation, and anger will more rapidly deplete our tank. Throughout the day we have opportunities to add gas such as resting, eating preferred foods, quiet activities such as reading, tv, drawing, quiet play, exercising, and other traditional self-care activities. Each of the examples below cause the tank to more rapidly deplete. As our tank drains, our ability to handle small inconveniences deteriorates.

1. Routine Changes: Holiday traditions and family gatherings mean the routine is thrown out the window. Suddenly, your child can't predict what will happen next, prepare themselves, and adjust their behavior accordingly. This can create an increase in anxiety symptoms, decreasing your child's ability to cope with smaller challenges.

2. Sensory overload: The blinking lights, Aunt Jan singing Silent Night slightly off-key, the unfamiliar and overwhelming smells emerging from the kitchen, and the sudden invasion of loved ones running through the house can be enough for any of us to flip our lid. Neurodivergent children (and adults) who struggle to process and organize sensory information efficiently may be completely overwhelmed by this onslaught of sensory input.

3. So MUCH excitement: favorite cousins are visiting from out-of-town, much anticipated presents are just waiting to be unwrapped, and big eyes are staring at the plates of candy, cookies, cakes, and pies. Remember in our gas tank metaphor, big emotions like excitement use huge reserves from our tank, depleting our abilities to maintain control of our emotions.

4. Social expectations: Holidays typically mean an increase in social gatherings. If your child struggles to interpret social cues, an increase in social interactions (especially with adults unfamiliar or intolerant to neurodiverse styles of communication) will rapidly deplete your child's tank.

So How Do You Support Your Neurodiverse Child?

1. Prioritize, Prioritize, Prioritize: Review what the holidays mean to you and decide which traditions are most important. Is it the joyful decorations, the family meal, unwrapping gifts, or attending midnight services? If your child is over-stimulated by decorations, pick one area in the house to decorate. The matching outfits are cute, but if the itchy sweater is going to lead to a meltdown, ditch it. Is Christmas dinner the time to implement all the feeding strategies your OT provided or can your child just eat his preferred chicken nuggets. By eliminating less meaningful traditions, you ensure that your child still has gas left in the tank for traditions that bring your family joy during the season.

2. Be Your Child's Biggest Advocate: As an aunt to four of the most adorable nieces this side of the Mississippi, I revel in smothering their faces in kisses, and snuggling the daylights out of them. Luckily, our sensory needs match and they delight in this behavior. However, as the adult, I'm fully prepared to follow their lead and tolerate a "no thank you" when asking for a hug. As a parent, I know it's uncomfortable to tell grandpa that your child doesn't need to give them a hug, or to tell grandma that no, your child won't try a bite of her legendary mash potatoes because that texture causes her to gag. But chances are, these are the same people who will tell you your not parenting right when your child melts down during dessert. Remember, our goal is to preserve some gas in the tank for those magical, meaningful moments. Don't waste the gas trying to please other family members.

3. Provide some sense of routine: If possible, try to maintain some routines such as bedtimes, meal times, or other scheduled regulatory activities that your child needs such as screentime, quiet play time, or baths. If routines cannot be maintained, provide visuals or social stories to help your child prepare.

4. Prepare your child: Talk with your child about what to expect and what might happen. You can use visuals, videos, or affirming social stories to provide your child with some predictability. If possible, talk about or role play how your child can use their coping skills throughout the day. This can look like "remember that you can ask to sit in a different room if it is too noisy" or "let's practice using our fidgets while we wait to open presents". Role play is an especially powerful tool to practice coping skills before the big day.

5. Take Care of Yourself: Your gas tank is just as important. Prioritize activities that keep your tank full, whether that's through exercise, therapy, church services, or coffee dates with friends. And above all else, give yourself compassion.

Read our 2023 gift guide HERE

Have a wonderful holiday season, and we'll see you in the New Year!